Naruto's Coming Out Story
by GudenMulle
Summary: Naruto had known since he was 13. He caught himself staring just a bit too long at the other guys in the shower, noticed too much, thought too much, liked too much. THIS STORY IS ON AFF AS WELL.


I'm new to , so I've got no clue if I've rated it properly or got the format-thing down or anything. Constructive criticism is much appresiated on both those and on the wroiting itself.

I am kind of proud of this story and it is important to me, because I think the topic is very important. Coming out is one of the most difficult things to do, and I applaud anyone who has had or will in the future have the guts to do it, if that is their sitiuation.  
>I hope no one becomes offended by what is written, said and done in this piece of fiction.<br>Please read, enjoy, think, rate and** **REVIEW**!**

This fic has been placed in the caring hands of my wonderful Beta; a heart-felt thank you for her hard work, ****Kimba LionHeart****

Naruto's Coming Out Story I

Naruto had known since he was 13.

He caught himself staring just a bit too long at the other guys in the shower, noticed too much, thought too much, _liked_ too much.

When his guy-friends talked about the girls in the locker-room next to theirs with glee in their voices, excited about possibly spying on them, seeing some skin, he had stayed silent, not commenting that he really wasn't interested. Some of the girls were pretty, but they didn't stir anything in him, he didn't get breathing-problems or stumbled over his words when any of the hot girls talked to him; he didn't care. The other guys just thought he was cool because he could keep his cool around the elder, hotter girls.

He was disgusted with himself. It was wrong, _he_ was wrong. He had seen how the fags were treated, they were sickening, and he wasn't like them.

He caught himself watching wrestling for all the wrong reasons. If any TV-program he watched contained any guy he found even remotely attractive, then he had to change the channel the moment anybody else entered the room. What if they noticed?

The day he finally thought about it all, and rationalized everything out, it came. He put all the pieces together in his mind, and said out loud into the roaring silence of his living room: "I'm gay."

He had totally freaked out that day when he had realized what it meant; he paced the living room for hours, talking to himself, trying to rationalize himself out of his current problem. He wrapped himself up in a lie, a lie that would follow, protect and suffocate him for many years to come.

"No you're not gay, it's just a faze. It's just a faze you're going through, it's okay, many people have doubts, it's okay, you're normal .."

And so, he decided he would do nothing, just wait for The Faze to pass, continue his life as normal, it would pass eventually. It would.

His first girlfriend had been Hinata, she had had a crush on him since forever, and he did think that she was kind of cute. In a girly way. After she had stuttered her way through 5 years of school beside him he had finally asked her out, to which she had promptly turned bright red, stammered out a shy 'yes'. He did notice her big boobs, which his friends were absolutely enthralled with, but whenever he kissed her it felt more like making out with a sister than a girlfriend. And it didn't make him feel anything; there was no tingling feeling in his stomach or embarrassing hard-on. Nothing. Not like when he looked at his childhood friend Haku. Haku was pretty, very much so, and Naruto had always thought that he was much prettier than any of the girls. They had been best friends since forever, and stuck by one-another in thick and thin. Right until Haku came out, and Naruto had to make a choice. He knew he should be supporting his friend who was like a brother to him, but when everyone started talking about Haku being gay and that "_- they had always been awfully close, hadn't they -", _he started panicking. He couldn't do this, what if people found out because he was friends with Haku? He couldn't risk that, he just couldn't. So when the others started making fun of the girlishly pretty little gay kid, he felt that there was nothing else to do but choose a side, and it wasn't his childhood friend's. He would never forget the hurt look in Haku's eyes when a senior, Kisame, made a foul remark about taking it up the arse, and Naruto snickered. Haku had never been great with conflict, always shying away and almost never telling someone back, he had always looked to the loud-mouth Naruto for support in that department. So when Naruto started laughing with the little crowd of people who had stopped to look, Haku's eyes widened even more, looking at Naruto with this awful… hurt, betrayed, unbelieving expression. Those eyes pierced his very soul, but he didn't know what else to do. This was the only solution. When Haku's eyes turned hard instead, and he turned away from the scene, straight back and head held high, Naruto felt something break inside him, and he wanted to run after his friend and hug him and tell him that he was so, so, sorry, and beg Haku to please forgive him. But he didn't, he couldn't.

He was a guy, a real guy. Boobs were great. That was what he kept telling himself.

So he kept his mouth shut and dated more girls; talked about boobs, pussy and ignored his gut-feeling and empty feeling inside whenever he saw Haku.

No one could know. It was his secret, his shameful secret.

When he entered high school he fell right in with the jocks and 'cool people', drank, smoked pot, focused more on his sport than school, dated a lot of girls, never the same one for more than a few months, pointed fingers at whoever the others did. Used words like 'fag', 'you're so gay' and 'faggot' in his daily vocabulary. He fit in perfectly. Everything was great, it was right. It was exactly as it should be. He was exactly as he should be. And nobody knew his secret. And he could ignore the bile in his throat, he could. He had to.

His relationship to Haku hadn't gotten any better since Haku had gotten himself a boyfriend and was being all tall and proud and – openly, fearlessly homosexual. Naruto couldn't help but feel envy for his lost childhood friend who was walking around with his boyfriend Zabuza, a senior no less, hand in hand down the hallways. When he was being especially emotional or in moments of weakness, he thought wistfully about how it would be if Kiba, his current secret eye-candy and best friend, and he for example would do that. And at the same time he was absolutely mortified at the thought, scared shitless about the possible repercussions. And then he would feel a mix of relief that he had stayed as normal as he could, and part disgusted at him self. When he looked in the mirror, all he saw was this weak, wimpy, cowardly boy who couldn't stand up for himself. And an asshole bigger than the Uchiha, for Sasuke may have the biggest stick up his ass, foul attitude and be unbelievably self-centered, but at least he hadn't turned his back on his best and oldest friend when he needed him the most. And it was that feeling of self-loathing that spurred him to do what might possibly be the dumbest and most evil act he had done in his life, competing only with 'turning his back on Haku' for the spot of first place in that department.

He had been in a particularly foul and down mood one Thursday, and had decided to go see his favorite teacher, Iruka Umino. He taught English, and surprisingly made it not boring, at least most of the time, but who could seriously not snore when he was droning on and on about Shakespeare and Elizabethan literature? But he had gone to talk with Iruka, because that always seemed to cheer him up and clear his head, because Iruka was great to talk to. But when he pushed the door to the classroom open without knocking, he hadn't been prepared for the sight he saw. There stood his Chemistry teacher Kakashi Hatake and had his arms around Iruka in much the same way Naruto embraced Temari when they were making out. Naruto's entire system blackened out for a long, long time, just standing there, watching what he silently thought to be a very cute and hot scene. The care with which they held each other clearly showed that this was more than a fleeting kiss in between breaks. Iruka broke away from Kakashi to see who had barged in on them, but when he turned around to see a very wide-eyed, open-mouthed Naruto, he turned tomato-red in the face and started spluttering something very in cohesive about "- what he was doing here -", and "- this isn't what you think-". Kakashi's one visible eye crinkled in an amused gesture at his boyfriends' ramblings until the very adorable English-teacher was interrupted by an outburst from the blonde student.

"That is so gross!"

Iruka froze, looking just as wide-eyed at his favorite student, who he had always thought to be on the rough side, a little bit too concerned about what his friends thought, but basically a good and sweet kid.

"What the hell do you think you're doing in the school? That's disgusting! FAGGOTS!"

Brown eyes turned a bit glassy, and looked back at his boyfriend who had placed his hand on Iruka's shoulder, squeezing it, before turning his attention to the student. His eye suddenly didn't look very friendly, and the grey had turned to a very hard granite color.

"Naruto -"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

And then Naruto turned and ran out of the classroom. He couldn't believe that he had thought them to be cute or hot together for even a single moment, it was WRONG! It was gross, disgusting, sickening, repulsive, nauseating - … He was mortified. How could they be gay?

What he did afterwards; he was even less proud of that, than insulting and emotionally hurting his two favorite teachers. And he felt the results of what he did afterwards the following Monday when Haku had marched up to him in the middle of the hall, curled his hand into a fist and hit Naruto squarely in the jaw.

"How could you do that, Naruto?" Haku asked with furious eyes, voice shaking with his visible rage and outrage.

"Do what?" Naruto tried to play it off and get past him, but Haku stopped him again with a hand on his chest.

"How could you go out and tell the ENTIRE SCHOOL that Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei are gay and IN A RELATIONSHIP?"

"So what? If they are, why shouldn't people know? It's gross, two old male teachers!" Naruto was half-way panicking internally.

"**IT WAS THEIR PRIVATE BUSINESS, NARUTO!** How can you turn your back on Iruka-sensei like that? He loves you, he holds your papers up and tells everyone how great you are, he supports you when you are having problems, he sticks by you when Orochimaru-sensei threatens with flunking you in Biology, which you truly deserve by the way. Kakashi-sensei has saved your ass more times than I can count when you hand in late or fail a test. Do you have ANY idea how much grieve you've caused them?" If it had been a cartoon, Haku would have had steam blowing out of his ears.

That stopped Naruto in his steps to try and move around Haku, "What?"

"Oh please Naruto, not even you are that thick! Why do you think they kept it a secret? They have both been called into the Headmaster's office, and they could be fired!"

Naruto stopped and looked hard at his once-friend, trying to gauge whether or not he lying. Haku noticed the slightly squinting look and that obviously only infuriated him further as he read Naruto like a book.

"Don't you DARE give me that look Naruto Uzumaki! I wouldn't lie about something like this, in fact, when have I ever lied to you? Don't you dare look at me like that!"

Naruto had to answer back now, it was expected. "Wow, you fags have to stick up for each other a lot, huh? It was gross, but of course you wouldn't see it that way, would you, faggot?"

Haku suddenly stopped and looked way too close and long at Naruto for his liking. "Naruto, you deserted me when I stood up for who I am, you laughed at me with the others, and I thought you might just be having a pussy-moment, and that you would come around after a day or two. But, now-" he looked at Naruto with sad eyes, eyes that poured their disappointment over him, making him wince internally, "now, I don't even know who you are anymore. This is not the guy I grew up with, and certainly not the boy that made his father so proud of him. I don't know you anymore, Naruto. And with the way you are acting, I don't know if I want to."

Naruto had just stood there, frozen in place, as Haku had turned and walked away. He had been even more off his game from that point on, Haku's voice and words haunting him and made him feel like he was worse than dirt. The stand-off had also led to his forbidden dreams becoming more profuse in his sleep, and he couldn't focus and be with his girlfriend as he should.

His fifth girlfriend Ino had noticed that something was a bit off about him whenever they were together, like he wasn't really present, and it made him freak out. He pretended to have an affair, even got together with another girl, Sakura, just to cover it up as another jock having more than one girl and not being able to keep it properly hidden. Luckily Ino was so busy yelling at him for cheating on her and telling him what a prick he was, that she had completely forgotten about the other thing. He was still safe. He took the other girl, Sakura, as his new girlfriend, faking a so over-the-top love for her, that he felt he would have to be safe for the next month or two, at the very least.

As he dated her, he secretly looked at the guy that she, and the rest of the female population of the school, had been pining for since the first year, Sasuke Uchiha. He could definitely understand why the feminine part of the school was drooling over him, he was extremely attractive, hot, smoldering, and was the center of Naruto's current wet dreams. His fantastic looks didn't stop the Uchiha from being the absolutely biggest asshole on the face of the earth, though. Naruto had frequent conflicts with the bastard, none of them pretty, but he savored each moment, especially when they ended up in fist-fights where he had ample opportunity and excuse to be bodily close to the walking sex god. In that period of time where his eyes were all for the raven-haired Uchiha, he could only think of him when he was having sex with Sakura. Since he knew that she was internally still pining for Sasuke as well and often thought about him when they were intimate, he didn't feel that guilty about his own wandering imagination, and happily imagined away when taking her from behind.

He buried his guilt in homework, sports, partying, girls and an increasing number of fights with Sasuke.

He used his high school time like that, when he suddenly snapped again in senior year; he was 18 years old.

He went to his only parent, his father, and said that he had something that he thought they should talk about. He sat his father down in the couch, and then started pacing again. He was panicking, how could he possibly tell his father his secret? His important, disgusting, wrong, secret. His secret that he had sacrificed so much to keep secret; his friendship with Haku, his friendship with Irkua-sensei and Kakashi-sensei and a big part of himself, of his personality and self-worth. His heart was beating like crazy, like it would jump out his chest, he was sweating, and fear had tightened in on him, freezing, yet burning his chest and heart. He was wringing his hands, whispering to himself, hyperventilating, suddenly deeply regretting saying to his dad that they had to talk; Minato shouldn't know this, he shouldn't tell him.

He couldn't, he shouldn't.

His father just sat there, looking at him with eyes as blue as his own, watching him with those eyes that conveyed whatever he thought, just like Naruto's own eyes did. Minato had started out curious, then moved on to humorous, and now the state of concerned had been firmly in place for the last 20 minutes, getting worse as time went by.

Naruto sat down beside his father and looked him in the eye, and suddenly it came spilling out.

"Dad, I'm gay."

Equally blue eyes widened before a hand rose and back-handed him across the face with lightning speed.

**"WHAT?"**

Naruto heart sank. He knew this would come, but it made it no less hard. His eyes filled with tears and he couldn't bear to even look into his fathers face, but looked down at the collar of his shirt, not daring to look into the disgusted face of his own flesh and blood.

"THAT'S IT? THAT'S WHAT YOU HAD TO TELL ME? I THOUGHT YOU HAD GOTTEN A GIRL PREGNANT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE ADDICTED TO DRUGS, I THOUGHT ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS HAD DIED! I THOUGHT-!"

Naruto's eyes widened and he finally looked up into Minato's reddened face, and a hand rose to his now rosy cheek, covering the red hand-mark left by his father's hand.

Tears started pouring down his face as his father pulled him into a bear-hug, crushing Naruto to his chest, rocking him back and forth like a child being consoled after a bad nightmare.

"You silly kid.. You fucking silly kid.."

There was a long silence where the only sound heard was from the creaking of the sofa as Mintato rocked them. Naruto pulled himself together and sniffled a bit.

"So.. You're not mad?" asked Naruto in a very small voice.

"Mad?" Minato stopped, leaned back and looked down into his son's face, seeing the wide, surprised, blue eyes, "why would I be mad?"

"Because I'm - gay? Aren't you.. disgusted?"

"Disgusted? Mad? I'm certainly a little surprised, what with all the girls you've been dragging home through the years, but I could never be mad at you for being who you are, Naruto." Minato's voice suddenly grew serious and hard, "Naruto, look at me."

Naruto had been looking down again, having trouble understanding his father's reaction. He loooked up again, seeing honest blue eyes, the same honest look he used to have had in his eyes.

"Naruto, there is nothing wrong with being gay, do you understand?"

"Yes.." Naruto could hear the doubt in his own voice.

"I don't think you do, it's very important, Naruto. Loving another man is just that - love. It is the same love that grows between a straight couple or a lesbian couple, and there is nothing wrong with any of them. People are people, nomatter what gender they decide to take home in bed, never forget that." A small mischievous twinkle entered Minato's eyes, "I am slightly dissapointed that I wont be having any grand-children, but that's about the worst thing that I can say about this. I'm not mad at you, Naruto. Understand son, I love you. You couldn't disgust me no-matter what you did."

Naruto sat in silence for a long time while he thought about what his father had said. His father made it seem like no big deal, like it wasn't that important. Like.. it didn't change who he was. He thought about how absolutely mortified he had been to tell his _father_, and suddenly it hit him like a train, what he had done to his best friend. He had deserted Haku, right in the middle of this hell, this all-consuming, terrible feeling of not knowing if your imporant person would be disgusted at you and turn their back on you, not for an action you had done, not for anything you could've chosen, but simply for being what and who you are.

He put his hands over his face and groaned into them.

"Oh god.. I wouldn't be so sure, Dad.."

"Sure about what?"

"Not being disgusted at me, not if you knew what I'd done."

And then Naruto told his father everything; all that he felt unbelieveably guilty and sorry about. He told him about Haku and Kakashi-sensei and Iruka-sensei, everything.

When he was done, his father looked at him long and hard.

"I knew Haku hadn't turned his back on you when you told me that lie many years ago, he is a smart kid and has a good and kind heart, he would never do that. He is much like you were once." Minato seemed to pause and search for the right words, "But I'm not disgusted with you, Naruto. I'm dissapointed and shocked, but not disgusted." His voice went very soft and he looked fondly at his son, "Never disgusted, Naruto." There was s small smile before Minato turned serious again. "But I will have you know that such behavior is not acceptable, and you will have to set everything into order and make things right again. You will apologize to Haku and your teachers, and if they wont forgive you, then go down on your knees and beg them. And then you will focus on your schoolwork and finish with good grades."

Naruto nodded his head, it all sounded very reasonable and something along the lines of what he had thought himself, even though he wasn't very good at, or a big fan of begging people for something, nomatter what it was.

"Should I tell them that I'm -?" He sounded very hesitant.

Minato smiled a bit and ruffled his hair, "I think you owe it to Haku to include it in your apology when you explain yourself, maybe even Iruka and Kakashi, they are very reasonable people. But aside from them -" Minato sighed, "that is your choice, Naruto, whether you choose to come out to your friends or not, but you shouldn't lie to your friends."

"Yeah, okay, Dad."

I hope you enjoyed. I'd love if you would **REVIEW** and leave a comment on my writing, but also on coming out in general. Whether you opinions are from personal experience or simply your thoughts, I'm interested.

Love Mulle


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